Gratitude is a b%*#
Yes, I know it’s the gratitude season. So, I’m supposed to suggest actions like “Reach out to someone who matters, and let them know, and …” (you get the idea). Yet, I’m struggling. And, I’m curious as to how come? Doing the gratitude thing myself, much less being in any position to dole out advice on the subject. The usual suspects come to mind, and then something else I’m not sure we talk about much.
Here’s what seems obvi: it requires us to acknowledge our dependency. Ewwwwww. (Just re-watched Schitt’s Creek, and channeling Alexis here😊)
Dependency means weakness, right? We’re supposed to be strong, especially us women people. Instead, gratitude requires us to admit (low-bar), count on (higher bar), and n-e-e-d (highest bar) others. Again, ewwwww.
There’s more. I think what lurks deep beneath gratitude is something more profound. Humility.
I think humility is rooted in accepting our shortcomings, for surely our lack of importance, and more challenging yet, our specialness. For those who want to get spiritual, or religious here, it’s about our smallness in the face of greater powers than ourselves.
I think gratitude requires us to give ourselves over to others, not in some yucky, toxic way, but in a way that opens up our capacity for love, for deeper connection with others who enrich our lives, maybe making our life more worth living.
It surely requires us to let go of, at least for the moment, a form of self-deception we practice I call foolish pride, something the ancient Greek philosophers called out as our greater sin: hubris.
And, if we could truly embrace humility, might this be true: "If we were humble, nothing would change us -- neither praise nor discouragement." (Thank you, Mother Teresa, who should know a thing or two about the subject.) What might happen if we were to be and do in the world, whether we’re going to be cheered on, or pooped on?
So, gratitude. Yup, it’s a bear. Requires some inner courage and a big, fat heaping-dose of humility.
What actions do we take from there? I’ll leave that part to you, friend. (If you want, check out the humility traits below.)
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, and thank you for reading. (Uh, was that gratitude? Oh, dear! Ewww😊)
P.S. If you’re curious, I borrowed a research-backed snapshot of what expressed humility actually looks like in practice—a nice complement to this week’s theme.
Humility Scale
Actively seeks feedback, even if it is critical.
Admits it when I don’t know how to do something.
Acknowledges when others have more knowledge and skills
Takes notice of others’ strengths.
Often compliments others on their strengths.
Shows appreciation for the unique contributions of others.
Is willing to learn from others.
Is open to the ideas of others.
Is open to the advice of others.
Citation: Table 3: Expressed Humility Scale Descriptive Statistics, Loadings and Reliability Bradley P. Owens, Michael D. Johnson, Terence R. Mitchell (2013) Expressed Humility in Organizations: Implications for Performance, Teams, and Leadership. Organization Science 24(5):1517-1538.